Self Limiting Beliefs: The Secret Agent inside you holding you back.

A few years back I was asking one of my reps why they haven't contacted all 11 Directors involved with using our products and their answers was that the first Director they contacted was not interested in speaking.

Upon reflection, that sales rep could have warmed up the call via an introduction or had a more thought through agenda when requesting the meeting. Regardless of the reason, I asked them what led them to believe that the other 10 were not interested and after a few moments of silence they shrugged.

What happened here is that they allowed one experience to guide their follow up actions. They created a story in their head that this one director represented how that business viewed engaging with us. They reacted to rejection by seeking the safety of using that one experience to validate a belief that no one else wanted to hear from them and that limited their reach and access. They were concerned they would annoy all the Directors and damage the relationship with the one key person they had contact with.

With that awareness now in play, they went ahead and contacted more, every time improving their technique. The result was a couple of Directors were interested to speak and they took the lead. Eventually they brought in most of their peers to coordinate efforts. The result was growth and more predictable business outlook.

This was a very simplistic example, but so many seasoned reps and leaders catch themselves avoiding doing things because they had previously formed beliefs, unconscious and long forgotten that are quietly controlling choices and outcomes in a quiet and sinister way, just like a secret agent or spy operating behind enemy lines.

Self-limiting beliefs are the ones which have the greatest potential for impacting negatively upon you achieving your full potential. We develop limiting beliefs to protect us from future pain. Usually they develop [in our formative years] in response to painful experiences. In the above case, it was rejection that was the painful experience.

Examples of self limiting beliefs are I'm not ready, I don't know enough, I don't have enough experience, I don't think I deserve a raise yet, i haven't proven myself enough to ask for a promotion.....and the list goes on.

My self limiting belief is that if i stand up for my boundaries with someone then I will lose the trust present in that relationship, when in fact I would slowly lose respect. I don't want to admit that to myself and over time as my boundaries are pressed it lead me to resentment and disengagement. I faced this challenge for most of my career resulting from one self limiting belief that I developed because in. my formative years my father would punish me if I disagreed with him or stood up for myself when he let me down. He simply reacted unconsciously and aggressively to any push back from his family. We would quickly make up later and sort things out, but that initial reaction has been with me all my life and I avoided it like a plague.

Overcoming self limiting beliefs by yourself is not easy so surround yourself with the right people who can help you. Choose a manager who can support your growth as a person and is willing to build the trust and get to know you well enough to challenge your self limiting beliefs constructively. Rely on your close network and pay close attention when you get called out or criticised, or even to light banter about you by managing your ego and the inevitable defensive reaction to take accountability and reflect on what led you to that point. Obviously if you have a coach they will zero in very quickly on your self limiting beliefs and flush out the conniving secret agent who is quietly wrecking havoc with your choices.